Hello children! Yes, as you may have noticed, Nerds of a Feather got a wee bit of a rename under the auspices of Tom and Alex*. Today was the second episode of the new Nerds show, and I covered the following topics:

- I talked about the Book Book, a pretty sweet piece of gear for concealing and carrying your laptop about.

- We chatted about internet meme’s, and I endeavoured to present a contender for toppling Keyboard Cat. I failed.

- In Pokemon news, a real-life Pokemon index is being compiled, for real animals! I know, I know. It sounds awesome. But you can’t ‘deploy’ a marmoset without it trying to fuck your mobile phone. So… not really the same thing.

- The military has (sort of) invented a real-life Iron Man suit. I proposed that Tom and Alex join me in stomping on a shrunken Tokyo cityscape. Now to wait for the torrents of film offers to come rolling in.

- In gaming News, I gave my pre-release impressions of Star Trek Online beta, which incidentally finishes tomorrow! In case you’re wondering, I love it. Partly because a friend bought me a pre-order digital deluxe version for my birthday, but mostly because downing three cloaked warbirds with a photon spread before beaming down to a hidden Klingon outpost and blowing the shit out of it is totally boss.

- And finally, I talked about some new research which shows which passwords are most frequently picked and hacked by hackers. I also tried to trick Alex into divulging his ABC network password… no dice.

Be sure to stay tuned for the podcast link, which should be up soon! Also, as usual, any feedback or thoughts on the segment can be posted on this blog entry. And I’d also like to add that it’s good to be back on The Somewhat Ambitious. Thanks for being so patient; you’re all terrific.

/Paul

*I’ve not used the word ‘auspices’ before. How did it sound? Was it out of context? I’m aware I could just google it, but I’m a lazy man. A sexy, lazy man.

Morning all! Thanks for listening to Nerds this morning. It’s a good day when I get to drop the phrase “dunked in a vat of Minotaur semen” on national breakfast radio. In case you’re curious about what was covered on the show, here’s a breakdown:

- I talked about the ultimate Star Wars wedding cake: a dead Taun Taun with a tiny, delicious Luke Skywalker nestled inside a whole mess of guts.

- We chatted about the physics of teapots! Specifically, about new research which indicates there are synthesised substances which might allow one to avoid spillage. Now I can do all those regular things, like go horse riding and play tennis!

- Is the five year old kid who just got into the record books for being horrifically strong going to be a superhero later in life? We talked it over. Probably not.

- We discussed the case of a Chihuahua being smuggled in a Bulgarian guys luggage. Are chihuahua’s universally despised dogs?

- I talked about Star Wars Uncut, the fan project involving laying claim to a fifteen second segment of A New Hope and remaking it however you like. The finished product, comprising over four hundred and seventy of these fragments, will probably be hugely disorienting to watch. I can’t wait.

- And finally, we talked about a recent claim that in the future, the super rich will evolve into a different sub-species, on account of their fancy robo butlers and nuclear-powered bowels.

Make sure you check back later in the day for a link to the podcast. I’m off to collapse in a heap!

/Paul

Morning all! I trust you’re all well. If you missed Nerds of a Feather this morning, or if you heard it and want to know what the hell I was blathering about, here are the details of said blather, and what we discussed regarding the blather I’ve just said. …Good god, what an awful sentence.

- There was some DIY news, on how to turn your computer into a taxidermy beaver! Why would you want to do this? Fuck knows!

- I ran through some of the more creative ways to kill your Sims, as outlined in this recent top ten list. My favourites seem to involve inflicting deep-seeded psychological harm.

- The news regarding James May and his life-sized Lego house (which was covered Yesterday here on The Somewhat Ambitious). I hate him. I hate him so very much.

- We chatted about the rescue of a five-legged dog from a freak show at Coney Island, and Marieke made a cock joke.

- I talked about the new Sam Raimi announcement regarding the World of Warcraft film! Raimi has all the cinematic chutzpah needed to do this justice, I think, and I’m something of an enormous fan of his work. Oh, and when I mentioned on-air that Luke hated the mario brothers movie, we all shared a moment swooning over Bob Hoskins. Delicious.

- And finally, we discussed the possible re-planetation (if that isn’t a word, it sure as shit ought to be!) of PLUTO! Furthermore, they might be naming A NEW PLANET. My bet? Susan Boyle.

Luke and myself are also having a meeting today regarding, amongst other things:

- A site overhaul and redesign!

- Possible gay marriage!

- BABIES! WHEEEEE!

Stay tuned for more on at least one of these three points.

/Paul

Shortly, you’ll be able to read all about Nerds of a Feather from this morning. But first, some housekeeping. Today, Luke turns 24! Yes, almost a quarter of a century ago, the lab where Luke was assembled had a surprise in store for the world. Not content to have created the worlds first sentient robot, they’d decided to imbue said robot with the one thing the world needed.

Funk.

Yes, Luke Ryan was the worlds first sentient “Negrodroid”. Imbued with raw funk, as well as an inate desire to help his fellow brothers and sisters fight ‘The Man’, Negrodroid Ryan cut a swathe of cocoa justice across the planet. Sadly, after failing to save Gary Coleman from Captain Yankee one fateful day around 1992, he succumbed to his more human qualities, and overindulged in drink, drugs and watermelons.

Years later, after regaining a tenuous foothold back in society, he has taken up residence in Melbourne, and for some reason has shed his funky roots to become THE WHITEST MAN ALIVE. Nevertheless, I salute you, Negrodroid (aka Fagulon). May your cogs never grow rusty. Oh, and if the preceeding story offended you, it’s pretty much the exact plot of Undercover Brother, a film in which (this is not a joke) the lead character has to be brainwashed repeatedly before he can eat mayonaise without throwing up. They also give him a watch which sprays hot sauce, just in case his conditioning fails.

Onto Nerds of a Feather! On today’s show, I discussed the following:

- The new robo-ferret, which will sniff out drugs at airports! Nowhere near as effectively as Negrodriod could in his prime, but still.

- Does your dad like to cut shit in half? The Pizza Boss is probably what he’s after, provided he likes Pizza made of trees.

- I talked to the guys about my recent trip to the Yarra. And by “to”, I mean “in”. On Saturday, Luke kicked me into it. Stay tuned for the footage, it’s being edited together this week!

- Sick of having to touch toilet paper? Sick of toilet technology that hasn’t been updated since the 1880’s? Try THE COMFORT WIPE! But don’t. Seriously. Your dignity isn’t worth it.

- We chatted about the advent of the Cat Cafe, specifically one in Osaka, Japan. The majority of cats are profound douchebags. Why would I pay to get hissed at and ignored?

- The chief scientist at SETI (the search for Intelligent Life in space), Dan Werthimer, gave a talk about projects which failed to recieve federal funding, and which of them actually went ahead.

Make sure to check back later today for the podcast. And remember to wish Luke a happy birthday. His circuits need emotional lube.

/Paul

Well, I guess I sort of asked for it. Today, Luke kicked me into the Yarra. The premise of this weeks punishment (for the loser of No Fuck Friday 3) was to be “baptised in the Yarra”. The water was teetering around the six to seven degree mark, and I wasn’t so much baptised as I was kicked. Everyone was very nice about the whole thing. My reproductive system, on the other hand, has been rendered useless by the toxic slurry that I spazzed around in for fifteen seconds, before being hauled out and changing behind a towel in front of baffled tourists. They probably saw my clothing dissolving off my body, so at least they won’t try and go for a swim.

UPDATE: This is from the Wikipedia entry on the Yarra River:

Pollution

Levels of bacteria, particularly E-coli and substances like grease, oils and heavy metals in the Yarra River and its tributaries are a major problem.

High levels of E-coli, some up to 200 times the safe limit in its tributaries, are caused primarily by poorly maintained septic systems.

Up to 350,000 cigarette butts enter the Yarra catchment storm water runoff every day,[6] these serve as just a small representation of the rubbish and litter that are disposed of in storm water runoff areas that eventually make their way into the river.

Some industrial companies continue to use the Yarra as a dumping ground. For example in recent years paper company Amcor has been fined several times by EPA Victoria for polluting the Yarra and environs. In 2007 it was fined AUD $5,000 for discharging paper pulp into the Yarra from its Alphington plant and in 2008 the company was convicted for releasing oil into the Yarra from its Alphington plant and fined AUD $80,000.

Fuck.

Stay tuned for the video, and keep voting on No Fuck Friday 4!

/Paul

Photos courtesy of TJ!

As I mentioned on Nerds of a Feather this morning, here is the teaser trailer for Toy Story 3!

I also mentioned this thing called “toy guilt”. I’m talking about feeling guilty if you haven’t played with a certain toy in a while, guilty that a certain toy might not WANT to get thrown out, or guilty that your spider man MAY have seen you trying to lift a book on your lap without your hands. The next day, whilst using Spider Man to foil a miniature robbery, a tragic scene unfolds. “DONT… touch me with those hands”. “Thats rich, coming from someone who sprays sticky white fluid out of his wrists to get aorund. Tell me THAT isn’t a clumsy metaphor for Peter Parkers burgeoning sexual maturity”. “Why do you always have to psychoanalyse everything?” “I dunno, Spidey. I guess maybe I’m worried that you’re Afreud to love”.

Anyway, yeah. Toy Story three is coming out! Sufficed to say I’m ridiculously excited, as whilst I clearly have buckeloads of toy-related issues, nothing makes me happier than seeing a spaceman and cowboy getting it on. I mean getting along. DAMN YOU FREUD!

/Paul

Now, I like to think I am never, ever, ever at any time ever prone to hyperbole, so you can trust me when I say that this blog post will in all likelihood change everything you thought you knew about the world.

When you were young, everybody basically dreamed of having the same four things when they grew up: a personal space rocket, a palace/castle/chateau made from solid gold, a personal helper chimp and a car that could be driven on water. Well I’m here to tell you that the last of those things actually, truly exists. Say hello to the Amphicar. Yes, that is a car being driven down a river. But wait, those fellows look positively aged. What are they doing in such a hip new piece of technology? What? This thing was created back in 1963? How in God’s name have I been ignorant of such a miracle until this afternoon? A horrible brain injury from the time I tried to base jump using a set of home-made duck wings? But… that’s impossible. I hate ducks. Who are you? Don’t touch me! You’re not a real doctor! In fact I don’t think you even really exist. God knows you haven’t responded to a single one of my questions so far.

No, wait, don’t leave…

The Amphicar! Apparently these bad boys started production in 1963 with the anticipation that soon 20 000 Amphicars would be sold per year. The company ceased production in 1965 and only 3878 Amphicars were ever produced. Which raises the question, how could people actually resist a car that could DRIVE ON THE FUCKING WATER?! Well, it seems that it wasn’t necessarily great at performing either of its primary functions. As one owner has said ” We like to think of it as the fastest car on the water and fastest boat on the road”. High praise indeed. Nonetheless the Amphicar has crossed the English Channel and most of the ones produced back in the early 60s are still in operation. Which either speaks to their profound durability or to the nigh on insane dedication of the early adopters who picked up one of the originals. Given the existence of a number of ’swim-ins’ (Amphicar meet ups), I’d tend toward the latter. Check out this video and see if your inner child doesn’t just go straight ahead and blow a load. Chubsy-wubsy style:

And just to finish up, here’s a photo of a man in a sailor’s hat driving an Amphicar down the Grand Canal in Venice. Arsey bastard.

Although I’d say the only fitting way for that particular joy ride to finish up would be for it to be wiped out by a squad of commandos riding around in a FUCKING HUMDINGA!

Yeah. That’s right. Watch yourself ocean. Watch yourself river. Watch yourself aquarium. Cars are coming for you. Next up, we’re going to do a hit’n'run on a beluga.

So… Uh, everybody else is this excited by floating cars, right?

[via Eternally Cool]

/Luke

Morning all! Nerds of a Feather this morning was recorded live from Melbourne, and was painfully fun. Yes. Painfully. Normally I run through the lineup of items covered, but this time around, I thought I’d choose my favourite item and expand on it a bit. And here it is.

Every time I bring up alarm clocks with the guys, the ones I discuss are always designed to… well, shock you awake. There was the bomb clock which you have to diffuse, the clock you have to shoot to turn off, and the ‘Cheney Teabagger’, which I think I actually cut because my brain kept bleeding every time I watched footage of it in action.

Wouldn’t it be nice, though, if there were a gentler, more refined clock to wake one up in the morning? One which could calmly, politely get you out of bed without you having to shoot at it.

“This is the alarm clock that faithfully reproduces the subtle wit employed by P. G. Wodehouse’s most famous character–the valet Reginald Jeeves–as he politely affirms the beginning of the day. The clock plays 126 different wake-up messages in the reserved voice of Stephen Fry, the original actor from the English comedy Jeeves and Wooster. When the alarm sounds, Jeeves speaks softly as he assuages your displeasure that the morning has indeed come.”

So basically your british butler gently wakes you up with a random witticism. Which sounds a little bit like this: Boyoyoyoing. Thing is, Stephen Fry played Oscar Wilde in the film Wilde, so it’s a bit like getting woken up by Oscar Wilde. It’s like The Importance of Being Early. What? It’s like Lady Windemere’s Alarm Clock. I have one more, and it isn’t shit, I swear. SALARMe? None of these puns were groaned at by Lindsay, who seems to ooze puns from every pore. Robbie and Marieke, however, were rightfully disgusted.

Here’s the latest NERDS OF A FEATHER PODCAST, by the way! Also, some breaking news! Luke and I have something very special to announce. Gross.

/Paul

Yes, today is Nerd Pride Day!* If you’re unfamiliar with Nerd Pride Day, you’re not alone. The burgeoning indie nerd is into the nerd fetishes but typically doesn’t move deep enough in those circles. And the proper geek (I love all of you, by the way) is too busy geeking out to realise such a day is going down. Nevertheless, it’s apparently a pretty big deal, and it comes with a slew of rights a responsibilities.

And here they are, you sexy bastards.

Rights:

1. The right to be even nerdier.
2. The right to not leave your house.
3. The right to not have a significant other and to be a virgin.
4. The right to not like football or any other sport.
5. The right to associate with other nerds.
6. The right to have few friends (or none at all).
7. The right to have all the nerdy friends that you want.
8. The right to wear witty t-shirts
9. The right to not be “in-style.”
10. The right to be overweight and have poor eyesight.
11. The right to show off your nerdiness.
12. The right to make an attempt at being as nerdy as Morgana Summers, and the right to fail. (Topher Stumph came quite close, but he too, failed).
13. The right to develop serious crushes on Randall Munroe, Shane Carruth & Bo Burnam, as opposed to say… James Franco. (See 11).
14. The right to carry a Thesaurus with you at all times, as opposed to an iPhone. (See 11)
15. The right to execute shameless self advertisement via the Wikipedia Geek Pride Day page. (See 11).
16. The right to falsely assume the surnames Finkleton, Waldman, Stratzer and Krukemeyer.
17. The right to take over the world.

Responsibilities:

1. Be a nerd, no matter what.
2. Try and be nerdier than anyone else.
3. If there is a discussion about something nerdy, you must give your opinion.
4. Save any and all nerdy things you have.
5. Do everything you can to show off your nerdy stuff as though it were a “museum of nerdiness.”
6. Don’t be a generalized nerd. You must specialize in something.
7. Attend every nerdy movie on opening night and buy every nerdy book before anyone else.
8. Wait in line on every opening night. If you can go in costume or at least with a related t-shirt, all the better.
9. Don’t waste your time on anything not related to nerddom.
10. Befriend any person or persons bearing any physical similarities to comic book or sci-fi figures.
11. Try to take over the world!

I’ll give this a mention tomorrow morning on Nerds of a Feather. I’ll also be talking about the greatest alarm clock I’ve ever come across, the new Frank Lloyd Wright toy line (yes, I’m serious), and MEAT PANTS.

Which is exactly what it sounds like.

/Paul

*Thanks to Jimmy for the info!

Is there anything manlier than flowers?

…According to wikipedia, there are more than eight billion things manlier than flowers, though surprisingly, I’m not amongst them. The sole reason why this is total fucking bullshit: I once stabbed a metro cop in Prague with a sharpened chrysanthemum. He was all like, “nicht angreifen mich mit der stamen!”, and I was all like, “I will NOT spit my gum out, you terse motherfucker!”. Needless to say I can’t discuss it any further, partly due to legal reasons, and partly because I can’t stop shaking when I try and do so.

In Brussels, however, people have no such ‘Nam-esque qualms with flora. The Brussels in Bloom event kicked off this week, celebrating not only flowers, but the willingness of florists to create a giant persian rug in a town square out of their craft. The carpet, set up in the Grand-Place (which I believe is loosely translated into English as ‘grand place’) is made up of over 30 million begonias, and the pattern itself is based on a medieval carpet design. More photos of the spectacular feat can be viewed here.

If I were to be cynical, though, I’d take issue with the motives of the florists involved. If florism (it’s not a word, but feel free to look it up anyway, or start weaving it into your everyday nomenclature just to give people headaches) is anything like other creative fields, there’s a truism which should apply here: too many cooks spoil the broth. If I were an artist pouring myself into a piece this big, I would want to overrule, sabotage and stab anyone else creative near me, and I’d expect them to do the same. So either they’re all dead now from flower-related stabbings, or this isn’t made of flowers. It’s an actual rug from the house of some looming Darwinian nightmare, poised to strike Europe with an airliner-sized fist, and the government (when pressed for an explanation), panicked and went with “flowers”.

I would not want to be a bee in Brussels right now.

/Paul

(Link via Notcot)