Every once in a while, an internet phenomenon creeps up behind you, and gives you a reach-around. Only it isn’t a reach around, it’s lava. That’s right, you just got lava all over your bits. Burns, doesn’t it? You might want to get that looked at.
Date to Save is one such phenomenon. Started by a well-meaning hottie (read: maniac), the general idea is that by dangling sex in front of hot young heathen guys, you can convert the everloving shit out of them. Here’s how Tamara, the instigator of this incredible movement, introduces herself:
Hello, my name is Tamara! As you can probably tell, I’m a Christian woman who loves Jesus Christ and cares for all humans, even the wicked. What you probably don’t know is that I’m hot. My picture below isn’t really that good. I want to use my beauty for GOD, and want to encourage Christian women (my sisters in Christ) to do the same, according to the Great Commission.
I’m not entirely certain what ‘the great commission’ is, but I’m fairly certain it’s largely centered around her vagina.
She continues:
So, I created this web page for information regarding the calling of Missionary Dating. First of all, it helps that you’re good looking. Romans 12:1 says “to offer your bodies as living sacrifices.” Since our bodies are the temple of the Holy Spirit (1 Cor. 6:19), it makes sense that we should use our beautiful bodies to glorify HIS name, the Holy Spirit will work the strongest since He’s in our body, right? That’s the best position to be in!
YES IT IS, YOU ENORMOUS SLUT.
Part of what Luke, myself, and many of our friends found so insanely enthralling about this, is that we cannot for the life of us tell if she’s joking or not. Does Tamara geniunely carpet-bomb penises with her sexual depth-charges (I know, I know, awful imagery. I’m knee-deep in a morass of painkillers and mi goreng right now), or is she, as Luke suspects, a brilliant character crafted by a brilliant mind? Let’s take a quick look at her equally committed twitter stream, shall we?
if ke$ha can have a dollar sign in her name, then i can change the t in tamara to a cross to bless God. wait, it already is a cross! neato.
Or how about this nugget of surreal shit:
Watched The Cove tonight and wished I could save dolphins as well I can save hot heathen men…
…Yeah, I don’t care whether she’s for real or not. She’s a fuckin’ genius, and I want to buy her a large sandwich. A large sandwich and some zoloft.
/Paul
8 responses so far ↓
1 Sketchyfletchy // Mar 11, 2010 at 1:18 pm
No shit, this is a real thing and has been around for a while. I was the target of an attempted missionary date a few years back.
When I turned her down she went for the ‘hail mary’ (ha!) and pulled out some pamphlets in case maybe I wanted to read them and reconsider.
I really, really wish I was joking.
2 Annik // Mar 11, 2010 at 2:45 pm
Her twitter feed is way too contrived to be real. eg http://is.gd/abcal
I had a similar dilemma last year when I received some hatemail from the Unofficial Tim Allen Fan Zone – http://www.treeslikeme.com/
It turned out to be some comedy bros in the US but it was very subtle and I had to dig a bit to get there. The fan fiction mainly gave it away (http://www.treeslikeme.com/Wilsonstory.html)
3 Mary // Mar 11, 2010 at 5:07 pm
I found her website and twitter very amusing. I really hope its fake. Otherwise its really embarrassing for Christians.
4 fishboy // Mar 11, 2010 at 6:07 pm
I hope it’s not fake! It’d be embarrassing for Christians, sure – although as we’ve seen they really don’t need much help in that regard. It shows a quirky and weird sense of humour that would be wonderful to see. But, yes, extremely unlikely to be real..
5 Taylor // Mar 12, 2010 at 3:09 am
Good heavens, this is brilliantly funny! And it just makes it so easy to want to taunt them. So horribly tempting, you know?
I wonder if she makes a little “commission” on the side, hmm? Whores for Jesus or something like that!
6 Argo // Mar 12, 2010 at 10:06 am
How has nobody commented on;
“(thanks to Jeff for the cool pictures and setting up the store. He was my 3rd missionary date. I don’t love him anymore, but Jesus still does)”
Bloody brilliant.
7 Dan // Mar 14, 2010 at 9:18 am
painkillers and mi goreng, neato
8 Amy // Jun 4, 2010 at 9:50 am
I found her website and twitter very amusing. I really hope its fake. Otherwise its really embarrassing for Christians.
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