Ahh, bacon. Scourge of pigs. I recently became a vegetarian, and the one thing I’ve missed is the pork family (although seafood is still pretty prominent on my list of ‘foods I want to have sex with’). As many friends and loved ones will attest to, one of my favorite breakfast pastimes was getting crazyawesome french toast, bacon, and drowning all of it in icing sugar and maple syrup. And icecream.
I have the metabolism of a rhinoceros, evidently.*
Anyhoo, I have two things to say about bacon. The first is that one time, back when I was doing film at university, I had a very good friend named Mikey. Mikey was great, and was a member of a hugely devout Jewish family, although I suspect his beliefs were more pronounced around his parental units in order to extract the sweet nectar of familial compliance (read: epic allowance). Regardless, he wouldn’t eat anything that came out of a pig. After a particularly taxing lecture and a Cassavetes screening, we made our way to the food court on campus, and settled on a Chinese dumpling stall. Mikey, who was being a simmering little shit sandwich that day, asked me to grab him two chicken buns whilst he made a phone call. I got him two pork buns, let him eat most of one, and then asked him how it tasted. “Good”, he replied, chewing happily. “Why?” “Because”, I replied, “it’s pork. And I’m not sorry, Mikey, I’m not sorry”.
Sufficed to say, he almost punched clean through my arm. I still think that institutionalized religions which control diet/clothing/gender rights/the right to choose/gay rights/the rights of people to kill other people/etc are pretty much all tinsel and bullshit, but I will concede that I may have crossed the line. And all because of delicious bacon. Delicious, evil bacon. Ever seen a pig NOT setting fire to libraries or peeing in the mouths of baby rabbits? I didn’t think so.
Didn’t I have a second point? Oh, right. Bacon, when uncooked, is abhorrently grotesque. And to illustrate that point, here is a guy being draped with hundreds of wet rashers of the stuff.
I probably ought to have waited until AFTER breakfast to post this.
/Paul
*A rhinoceros who ought to have diabetes.
6 responses so far ↓
1 Aqualec // Feb 16, 2010 at 10:24 am
Yeah one of my mates did this to his muslims friends. He cooked some pork chops and told them they were normal meat when they were stoned and didn’t know any different.
Paul you know you can still have things taste like bacon – http://www.baconsalt.com/
2 Smel // Feb 16, 2010 at 10:25 am
Pig is one of the reasons I haven’t become a vegetarian.
And if I did become a vegetarian, I would still eat seafood.
You’re a brave, brave man
3 Bato // Feb 16, 2010 at 10:44 am
The whole “no pig” thing is due to where those religions originated. Pork doesn’t keep very well in warm countries, and the meat can cause many diseases, as opposed to stuff like goat or sheep meat.
Still not a reason to be a dick to a friend and fuck around with their beliefs
4 Handles // Feb 16, 2010 at 12:56 pm
Ahh anyone whose beliefs are based on the hygeine policy of a 2500 year old tribe of goat/sheep herders, needs to be fucked around with. Once they notice that God didnt send “wild animals to devour their children” for the crime of enjoying delicious bacon, perhaps they will give up the rest of the nonsense too.
5 Taylor // Feb 16, 2010 at 2:14 pm
Ah, I should become a vegetarian…or at least learn to eat more veggies. In the meantime, I am still devoutly devoted to bacon.
Fuck yeah, bacon!
6 Willian! // Mar 6, 2010 at 9:06 pm
I am vegetarian.. Have been for 11 years, and I have never eaten bacon
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