The Somewhat Ambitious

Now, I love the Segway as much as the next man. The style, the flair, the convenience. It’s a genius machine! But you know what really got my goad up about it? The standing. Man, who has the energy to stand. I’m a busy man! I need to conserve my energy for busy man activities, like typing, gesticulating wildly and napping. Thankfully the good folk at Honda have heeded my call, and the call of tens of others like me, and are introducing the UX-3, a machine for those of us without the time or willpower to stand as we move around. With the UX-3 you simply let your abundant ass cheeks gently spill onto the provided seat rest, cup your hands underneath, point… and go! And with the UX-3, you can go anywhere! Why, you could tour the deep-friable section of the supermarket. You could roll through a fast food drive through. You could move from your couch to the toilet. Or you could even just idly trundle around a park, sipping daintily on your lard thickshake. The possibilities really are as endless as the soft drinks at Sizzler. The health implications too. Not convinced? Well, then watch this frankly creepy demonstration of the UX-3 in action and dream of a world where ambulation is but a distant memory… Or something that poor people do.

/Luke