The Somewhat Ambitious

Yesterday, Luke addressed the hilarity Korea is offering to the world. Granted, some people define ‘hilarity’ as ‘tragically improverished military posturing and general cockbaggery’, but some people also went to see the Jonas Brothers 3D concert experience at Imax. Everyone has their pecadilloes. Well, here’s something similarly endowed with the twin guns of tragedy and amusery*, only this time, China are the power in question.

“Government officials in south-east China have ordered workers to cover a 1,000 ft long steel bridge in butter to prevent citizens from using it to attempt suicide. All the climbable surfaces on the structure in Guangzhou have been covered in greasy fat to put an end to the spate of people threatening to jump from it, The Sun reports. Government spokesman Shiu Liang said: “We tried employing guards at both ends but that didn’t work – and we put up special fences and notices asking people not to commit suicide here.

“None of it worked – and so now we have put butter over the bridge and it has worked very well. Nobody can get up there and nobody who tries ever falls.”

Oh great. Butter. We really need to cover bridges in butter, do we? I guess when faced with either a) making wide and sweeping reforms and unclenching the fists of censorship and oppression which they’re using to throttle the life out of a bewilderingly large populace, thereby alleviating said populaces desire to hurl itself collectively from high places, or b) slathering aforementioned high places in butter, butter might be… well, a wee-bit cheaper.

Also, isn’t there an outside chance a hungry chimney-sweep, craving buttered toast after a hard day chiselling calcified soot from inside the fireplace of an enormous terracotta anus, might mistake the bridge for a buttery breakfast comestible and shatter all his hard-earned teeth?

China. Shitting on the chimney-sweeps.

/Paul

(Link via Neatorama)

*Not a word, yet. But come the bloody Dictionary Wars of 2011, which my gypsy uncle predicted at Christmas dinner, it will be. It will be.