So, you’ve bought your dream home. It’s huge. Like fucking huge. There’s bedrooms, master bedrooms, servant bedrooms, Presidential bedrooms and a dungeon. There’s decorative fountains, chandeliers and a super fun happy slide that goes all the way from the highest turret to the entrance hallway (oh yes, this dream house is also a fully fortified castle with moat and retractable drawbridge). There’s tennis courts, pools, badminton courts and a bungee platform. The house is, in short, pretty freaking rad. But still. Still, there is an emptiness inside your soul. A gaping hole that matches the gaping space in the corner of the living room. Every day you come into the living room to bask in the majesty of your life – and the blinding illumination of your Director’s Suite grade cinema screen – only to have your eyes drawn into the far corner, toward the one material good this earth has yet to provide you with: a fully formed and assembled T-Rex skeleton.
Does this sound like you? Yes? Then, boy howdy, do I have news for you, because this October at the Venetian casino in Las Vegas the third most complete T-Rex skeleton ever discovered is being auctioned off by auctioneers Bonhams & Butterfields. That’s right, an 83% complete T-Rex skeleton is being sold to whoever is willing to pay for it. A T-Rex. The thing is five metres high and around about 13 metres long and would be sure to make a fine addition to even the most humble of abodes. Personally, if I won, I’d turn him into a drinks cabinet. Because really, if we’re going to desecrate natural history, we may as well do it in style. Another whiskey from the top shelf i.e. the SKULL OF A FUCKING T-REX? Don’t mind if I do.
The expected price: $8-$10 million. That’s only $20 000 per regular reader of this blog! I mean, it could be a little tough to work out who gets him on any given day of the year (I bags Christmas), but on the other hand it would mean you’d have a time share in a T-Rex. So, who’s with me?
This is an artist’s impression of how awesome your life would be if we won this auction:
Rarrr!
Although, the auctioneers mention, in an off-hand manner, that at the same auction they’re also selling a three metre by three metre tooth-filled jaw thought to have come from a shark that may have been just under 30 metres long, as well as a four metre tall wooly mammoth. So, you know, there are options.
Still. A goddamn T-Rex.
/Luke
[via Wired]
16 responses so far ↓
1 Bec // Aug 21, 2009 at 12:56 pm
Would it be too much to ask that the winner/s consider donating this to a museum after a couple of months of drinks cabinetry…? It would? Damn.
2 manchux // Aug 21, 2009 at 1:11 pm
can we get a massive Santa hat for him for Christmas? It IS a boy-Rex, right?
3 beckoning_ // Aug 21, 2009 at 2:46 pm
Sorry Luke, I already have one
4 Luke // Aug 21, 2009 at 2:51 pm
have you turned it into a drinks cabinet?
5 beckoning_ // Aug 21, 2009 at 3:05 pm
I did at first but after one too many stains I decided to knit a replica costume of Falkor to fit over it using only recycled materials.
My interior designer said I was lacking in luck dragon.
Perhaps you should ask Jeff Goldblum if he wants to get in on your deal.
6 Taylor // Aug 21, 2009 at 3:17 pm
You’ll knit a doily for it next.
7 Kia // Aug 21, 2009 at 3:34 pm
@beckoning: Falcorex… F-Rex. I like! Does the knitted costume give it the ability to fly?
@ Luke: I’m totally in for some T-Rex time share! I was saving up for my dream house and I have about $20,000.00 in my bank account but then your dream house sounded waaay cooler than the one I was saving up for (the only pre-requisite for my dream house was having a master bedroom bigger than 3m x 3m…) so I figure, why have a shit dream-house when I can continue to rent a shoebox – but have a BIG FUCKING F-REX in my back yard?!! (It’ll only be an F-Rex if Beckoning will lend me the knitting pattern and the number for the white wool stockists…)
Cheque or Direct Debit?
8 Kia // Aug 21, 2009 at 3:35 pm
Wait, you better not skip the country and use my $20,000 for cheap Thai chemo…
9 Kia // Aug 21, 2009 at 3:49 pm
Ooo – disclaimer time!!
I hope that my previous comment didn’t offend anyone – I figure if Luke could write a comedy about cancer then some people might laugh at my intended insensitivity… I wish Luke all the health in the world and if he asked me for $20,000 to make him better I probably would give it however, for the sake of making him laugh (and laughter IS the best (and cheapest) medicine), I chose to make that comment…. *PHEW*!!! Lol!
10 Willian! // Aug 21, 2009 at 3:52 pm
I’m in!
Why just today whilst the teacher blathered on, I was fantasizing about how awesome it would be to own/ be a T-Rex
11 felise // Aug 21, 2009 at 8:30 pm
sombrero.
12 Willian! // Aug 22, 2009 at 5:12 pm
Sombrero indeed
13 Cassie // Aug 22, 2009 at 7:43 pm
Hmm…lets see….I have $30 in my purse, if that helps.
I’m thinking this drinks cabinet t/f-rex should definitely have some laser armour in case of drinks thieves.
Because there are many a villian who would walk up to a dinosaur skeleton and steal expensive beverages from its skeleton, unless it was properly equipped.
14 Luke // Aug 23, 2009 at 1:10 pm
@Kia: ah, my plan has been rumbled!
@felise: sombrero + tequila cabinet = Par-T-Rex
@everyone else: i love the readers of this blog
15 Aqualec // Aug 24, 2009 at 7:08 pm
I got a few grand sitting in the bank doing nothing, put me in for the time share.
16 Zoe // Aug 26, 2009 at 1:27 pm
uni’s overrated i’m in
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