Michael Jackson’s memorial has barely finished, and already the awesomely batshit mental cavalcade of news has begun rolling in. I’m sure you’re all rather sick of hearing about Jackson, and I’m even more certain that your minds are made up already about him. Off The Wall and Thriller are awesome albums, his work with the Jacksons was adorable, his dad was a douchebag, Pepsi destroyed him, blah blah blah. Let’s just all agree the whole thing was a grotesque prologned shame sandwich and be done with it. The real nub of my gist is this: the aftermath is proving to be a pure metric pantload of crazycakes. Observe.
During the leadup to the memorial, there were people on Craigslist soliciting and/or offering up sexual favors in exchange for a final audience with the King of Pop. Meaning there are people out there who would fuck a stranger to wave at a corpse. Which might sound odd, but exactly the same thing happened with Mussolini. Granted, if you were attending that particular decay soiree, you were probably only doing so in the hopes that you could spit in his brainhole. With Jackson, I can understand wanting to go and pay your respects. But surely there’d be a moment, mid-coitus in a shirt embalzoned with bedazzled letters spelling out the word “BAD”, when you’d accidentally glipse your pallid, sweaty reflection in a mirror, your ghastly visage hunched over a stubby hispanic woman like some kind of pale, flabby toad. At this point, it would be your duty as a sentient human being to hurl yourself onto the nearest trident.
/Paul
12 responses so far ↓
1 Yun // Jul 8, 2009 at 2:49 pm
I guess those who didn’t go just couldn’t be fucked.
…
Yeah.
2 HannieT // Jul 8, 2009 at 2:56 pm
It’s “spelling” not “speling”
3 Aqualec // Jul 8, 2009 at 3:05 pm
Sky News has been playing the memorial all bloody day on Foxtell and anyone who dares to change the channel incurs the wraith of everyone in the office watching.
Seriously its sad the guy died but really there are more important things in the world.
4 Peta // Jul 8, 2009 at 3:55 pm
Why is one of Michael Jackson’s children called blanket? Can someone please explain this to me?
5 paul // Jul 8, 2009 at 3:56 pm
Because he’s an actual blanket. Sheesh.
6 Finn // Jul 8, 2009 at 4:05 pm
I love that the way the image is cropped, the Playboy model says she’s the biggest Michael Jackson ever.
Which only brings up the image of an obese MJ impersonator.
Meanwhile, via Bill Bailey’s twitter, we find out Tippi Hedren is psychically talking to MJ’s pet tigers. http://www.guardian.co.uk/film/2009/jul/01/tippi-hedren-michael-jackson-tigers
7 beckoning_ // Jul 8, 2009 at 4:13 pm
I wonder if that shame sandwich was made with white bread or dark bread? Oh I know… fruit loaf
8 brendon // Jul 8, 2009 at 5:18 pm
Is Blanket related to Towlie?
9 brendon // Jul 8, 2009 at 5:19 pm
Oh no spelling error!
Towelie! Dammit!
10 Wendebular // Jul 8, 2009 at 6:18 pm
Just thought you guys would like to know that, unlike Facebook, Johnny Depp, and Garfield, you guys are still okay by China’s censorship standards. Weird, huh?
http://www.abs-cbnnews.com/technology/07/06/09/johnny-depp-images-not-spared-chinas-internet-porn-filter
Also, Chinese MJ fans are crazy.
http://shanghaiist.com/2009/07/08/michael_jacksons_neverland_ranch_in_1.php
http://shanghaiist.com/2009/07/06/chinese_writers_churn_out_michael_j.php
11 manchux // Jul 9, 2009 at 11:54 am
@brendon you’re a towel!
12 Richard // Jul 10, 2009 at 12:40 am
Jackson died years ago, what you just noticed now?
R.I.P Karl Malden
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