Well, I guess I sort of asked for it. Today, Luke kicked me into the Yarra. The premise of this weeks punishment (for the loser of No Fuck Friday 3) was to be “baptised in the Yarra”. The water was teetering around the six to seven degree mark, and I wasn’t so much baptised as I was kicked. Everyone was very nice about the whole thing. My reproductive system, on the other hand, has been rendered useless by the toxic slurry that I spazzed around in for fifteen seconds, before being hauled out and changing behind a towel in front of baffled tourists. They probably saw my clothing dissolving off my body, so at least they won’t try and go for a swim.
UPDATE: This is from the Wikipedia entry on the Yarra River:
Pollution
Levels of bacteria, particularly E-coli and substances like grease, oils and heavy metals in the Yarra River and its tributaries are a major problem.
High levels of E-coli, some up to 200 times the safe limit in its tributaries, are caused primarily by poorly maintained septic systems.
Up to 350,000 cigarette butts enter the Yarra catchment storm water runoff every day,[6] these serve as just a small representation of the rubbish and litter that are disposed of in storm water runoff areas that eventually make their way into the river.
Some industrial companies continue to use the Yarra as a dumping ground. For example in recent years paper company Amcor has been fined several times by EPA Victoria for polluting the Yarra and environs. In 2007 it was fined AUD $5,000 for discharging paper pulp into the Yarra from its Alphington plant and in 2008 the company was convicted for releasing oil into the Yarra from its Alphington plant and fined AUD $80,000.
Fuck.
Stay tuned for the video, and keep voting on No Fuck Friday 4!
/Paul
Photos courtesy of TJ!
13 responses so far ↓
1 BecFitz // Jun 13, 2009 at 8:43 pm
Utter, utter filth. I love it, of course.
2 beckoning_ // Jun 13, 2009 at 8:53 pm
Nice day for it
3 paul // Jun 13, 2009 at 9:36 pm
So, SO COLD. And my pants were covered in what appeared to be moss afterwards.
4 Metrac // Jun 13, 2009 at 10:17 pm
I bet the water was just like all the water in Fallout 3! I hope you had a bath afterward.
5 kahmelb // Jun 13, 2009 at 10:46 pm
That wasn’t moss, Paul. You just came out of the Yarra, it was more likely an algae Triffid. Next thing you know, that “moss” will me trying to tale over the world..
6 Cassie // Jun 14, 2009 at 12:14 am
Nice day for a swim.
7 Aqualec // Jun 14, 2009 at 12:39 am
Lol i wonder if bathing in the yara will give you some sort of superpowers now?
8 John // Jun 14, 2009 at 9:06 am
Paul, did you know that the Yarra is actually an Aboriginal word for Green and brown babies shit shat through the end a didgeridoo?
9 Taylor // Jun 14, 2009 at 11:48 am
Y’all are crazy! I don’t even want to know what comes out of NFF 4!
10 Luke // Jun 14, 2009 at 11:48 am
well, that is just a very informative wikipedia entry.
i would feel kinda bad if you got e coli. kinda.
11 Peta // Jun 15, 2009 at 10:13 am
I’d say that ‘Whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger’ line – but, Paul, this is going to kill you.
How fun is this excerpt from wikipedia on E-coli?
“Virulent strains of E. coli can cause gastroenteritis, urinary tract infections, and neonatal meningitis. In rarer cases, virulent strains are also responsible for hæmolytic-uremic syndrome (HUS), peritonitis, mastitis, septicemia and Gram-negative pneumonia.”
Wooo! Judging on the genital issues – I’d put my bet on a nice urinary tract infection… Any other takers?
12 Hel // Jun 15, 2009 at 5:21 pm
I know you have lots of important things to do, like marry Vijay Khurana and erase precious interviews, so I don’t want to nag (that would be way too mother-like) but when are we going to see this video? I had to spend all day today WORKING, when I could have wasted at least 35 seconds of it watching th Yarra clip.
Seriously there is only so much research I can do for an interview with Clare Werbeloff…
I’ve had to resort to watching Bill O’Reilly clips on youtube.
13 Kia // Jun 18, 2009 at 11:54 am
Paul lost NFF Friday with dignity and pride
He knew TSA fans would stand by his side
He stood by the Yarra, smells making him sick
Then luke, the bastard, pushed him in with a kick!
Yarra and moss and e-coli, oh my!
Paul will get an infection in his eye!
Of which eye I am speaking: the one in his pants!
Lets hope, freshly baptised, god gives his man juice a chance!
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