Now, I like to think of myself as a fairly open-minded gentleman and one that, at the age of 23, is in no way out of touch with the youth of today, but this is just… just. Jesus.
Sorry, let’s start that again. It’s all a little overwhelming, truth be told. So, have you heard of emotronic? As a genre it is exactly what it sounds like: the screaming and intensity of emo circa 2004 rendered against the blandly sexualised backdrop of the worst ‘electro’-nic music. Yep, emo. Again. I must say, the persistence of emo has surprised me. I really thought we were done with all that four years ago. I always found myself mentally castigating people for being out of touch any time someone made a joke about emos in my presence. Surely Chris Brown was a more viable target these days? Although evidently not as viable a target as Rhianna! Am I right? Am I right?…. Too soon? But now here we are in 2009 and emo actually seems to be experiencing somewhat of a cultural renaissance. Perhaps one not entirely on par with mid-14th century Italy, but either way these abominable fucknuts appear determined to co-opt once more the brains and buying power of our teens.
Won’t someone please think of the children.
Emotronic. I’d heard the word before but thought it must have been a joke. I mean, surely not… How to describe it… Imagine, if you will, that the tepid, oozing effluvium of fluoro-electro’s final, stuttering orgasm had dripped on to the prostrate, decaying corpse of pop-rock music, and that some scion of pure, unadulterated evil masquerading as a record label boss had seen this happy marriage of death and semen, stuck his hand in, smeared it around a bit and gone ‘I get it now. I know what dance music needs. More screaming’. That, perhaps, begins to approximate this sin against recorded music.
Meet BrokeNCYDE. They’re from New Mexico. The band has four members: Se7en (he does the screams and ‘gangster raps’. No, seriously.), Mik L (he does the autotune vocals. No, seriously), Phat J (he does the synths. I guess that’s OK. Although the name of itself should strip him of future voting rights), and Antz (he does the fog machine and lights. Rock on Antz. You’ll get there one day). And you better believe they’re white, suburban and drive around in SUVs. Apparently the name BrokeNCYDE comes from the idea of being broken inside. Deep. But don’t take my sneering superiority at face value. Have a look yourself. Might I recommend at least holding out until ‘Se7en’ starts yelling in the girl’s faces? Presumably in an effort to woo them.
I think the LA Times has perhaps the best one sentence demolition I’ve seen in quite a while:
“The ‘Albucrazy’-based band has done for MySpace emo what some think Soulja Boy did for hip-hop: turn their career into a kind of macro-performance art that exists so far beyond the tropes of irony and sincerity that to ask ‘are they kidding?’ is like trying to peel an onion to get to a perceived central core that, in the end, does not exist and renders all attempts to reassemble the pieces futile.”
They have a record coming out in June called ‘I’m Not a Fan, But the Kids Like It’.
Pretty much.
/Luke
37 responses so far ↓
1 WTF... // May 18, 2009 at 11:30 pm
These guys have to be the BIGGEST joke ever… they just lake…substance… or maybe too much substance abuse leads to this?! anyone can film them selves next to a jaguar and hott girl and think they are fucking gangster emos… but it just reiterates the fact that you are an absolute twat….
I 100% blame the problems with the youth today on shit like this! i feel a little bit dumber just watching that clip…
……
2 WTF... // May 18, 2009 at 11:32 pm
These guys have to be the BIGGEST joke ever… they just lack…substance… or maybe too much substance abuse leads to this?! anyone can film them selves next to a jaguar and hott girl and think they are fucking gangster emos… but it just reiterates the fact that you are an absolute twat….
I 100% blame the problems with the youth today on shit like this! i feel a little bit dumber just watching that clip…
……
3 Will // May 18, 2009 at 11:43 pm
It’s ironic, dude. Whatevs. ^_^ laaaaawl.
4 LaLa // May 19, 2009 at 12:22 am
This is crunk core. Not the “insert shitty made-up emo name here” you came up with. Their music is not emo, and they sing what they. Doesnt everyone do that these days? Just because you dont like it, doesnt mean that other people dont. Sure the video is really dumb, but they make good music.
Get your facts straight before fumbling around “writing” an article like this that makes little or no sense to the actual meaning, the components and style of music.
5 beckoning_ // May 19, 2009 at 1:17 am
Shit you just got told.
Ps, I love the amount of pig in the clip… especially from new mexico
6 paul // May 19, 2009 at 6:36 am
Gotta love how much of a shitstorm this abhorrent BS has stirred up.
7 paul // May 19, 2009 at 8:46 am
@beckoning Yeah, the pig does seem to be… uh… scintillating?
8 luke // May 19, 2009 at 9:47 am
@LaLa: personal preference is a mysterious thing, ain’t it? although in the absence of hard and fast rules set by internationally accredited naming bodies i’d call emotronic a similarly valid descriptor. i mean, if you do enjoy it all power to you, but the entire experience made me break out in hives of shock and awe.
9 Charlsie // May 19, 2009 at 10:45 am
I hate you Paul. I hate you for showing me that this exists. I would rather shit out all of my internal organs than ever hear this again.
10 Charlsie // May 19, 2009 at 10:50 am
@LaLa
‘crunk core’ is just as stupid a name as ‘emotronic’. In fact it’s probaly an even dumber name given the fact that these people (you included) are serious about it. When will people realise that putting core at the end of something does not make it cool. If that were the case apple cores would be the coolest things ever.
11 luke // May 19, 2009 at 11:39 am
applecore. i like it. would it perhaps sound something like this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UfLAv3JHRwY
12 manchux // May 19, 2009 at 11:59 am
Lala: how did you get here? why were you born?
13 Joe Citizen // May 19, 2009 at 2:13 pm
@LaLa How does one take a band seriously with expletive- and brand-ridden lyrics such as these?
“I got these bitches all tipsy, trying to sex me, I know they want it alcoholics are some sex freaks, This X and cronic gots me wanting to get messy, so let’s get messy girl, come on let’s go get messy girl. Come on bitch you know you want this, that hardcore shit, make you feel the toxic, versace, rolex watches, bently coups with the 20’s dropping, convertible top and the wheels that spin, I can taste that ice when my grill is in, if you want me baby, fill me in, cause I don’t waste my time with lesbians.”
via:
http://www.elyrics.net/read/b/brokencyde-lyrics/freaxxx-lyrics.html
I also question how you define “good” music (having established that its clearly not related to lyrics). Lastly, by putting “writing” in quotation marks are you somehow suggesting the author did not write this article? Are you suggesting plagiarism, or some form of telepathically conveyed communication? Is it a trap?
14 Joe Citizen // May 19, 2009 at 2:14 pm
@Luke I do believe you are spot-on with that applecore clip. And thank you for messing with my mind.
15 luke // May 19, 2009 at 3:32 pm
“if you want me baby, fill me in, cause I don’t waste my time with lesbians”
is se7en suggesting that he enjoys the act of pegging?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pegging_(sexual_practice) (probably at least a little NSFW…)
16 paul // May 19, 2009 at 4:03 pm
@luke: You belong in a home. Pegging? You’ve ruined laundry for me, you tawdry blithering putz.
@Joe Citizen: If you were any more awesome, you’d be me.
17 Adam // May 19, 2009 at 4:07 pm
Paul! Have you subjected yourself to the life of a troll?
I’m with you about the shitty music, on the other hand 15 incredibly biased posts points me towards troll.
18 paul // May 19, 2009 at 5:22 pm
Sadly I’m not Joe Citizen. But I love him.
19 luke // May 19, 2009 at 5:59 pm
it would be exciting if we had a troll. i don’t think we’ve had one before. does that mean we’re finally real (blog) men?
20 James // May 19, 2009 at 6:29 pm
I don’t Know if this is the best thing I have seen or the worst thing I have seen. This is everything that is wrong and shamefully good at the same time. I watched this at work with no speakers and had to get home to hear it for my self. OK the song/ lyrics are the worst and bad, like any kids just finished before class homework. And that is just what they are kids. Kids with tattoos and access to their sisters peroxide, but kids.
But whats this they/record company execs have made up for this lack of full man beardery? The old Hip Hop video clip formula. Expensive imported cars, CHECK. Close camera moves, CHECK. Disinterested girls wearing just enough swaying in the background, CHECK. Pouring out some beer from a 40 oz for their dead homies, CHECK.
That got me hard and with no where to go. Then I got home and heard it… So now your a House/ Electro band?…. then the Emo screams came. Hey I have nothing bad to say about Hardcore to Emo music with that style of vocals. The way this guy was doing it he better be looking over his shoulder cos if i was one of the others I’d replace him with a sampler and have more money to spend on matching pig plushie outfits.
21 Alisha // May 19, 2009 at 7:27 pm
Oh my!
I am feeling exceedingly dumber after viewing that video…
Although I’m not entirely sure if it was the video or LaLa’s poorly articulated defence of it…
Also, Joe Citizen & luke = WIN
22 Brenno // May 19, 2009 at 7:50 pm
haha worst thing i have ever seen… these guys could make deaf kids cry!!! Also anyone who cannot spell their name without adding a number is an absolute waste of human life…
when i see “Se7en” this is how it sounds to me……: Se-seven-en….. sounds like he has a bit of a st..st.stuttter
23 Brenno // May 19, 2009 at 7:52 pm
also lets just pray to god that these guys cant reproduce in the future… that would be just as bad as skunkies hair-do
24 paul // May 19, 2009 at 11:25 pm
Their gene pool has been peed in.
Repeatedly.
25 Taylor // May 20, 2009 at 10:49 am
Wow…did I miss a shitstorm or what? That’s what I get for not watching the weather more often.
This “music” is crap. And I put music in quotes to suggest it’s not music at all.
As for Applecore! Dayum! LOL…bring on more!
26 Joe Citizen // May 20, 2009 at 11:39 am
@Taylor I concur. I think this is less “music” than it is “highly targeted marketing campaign” attempting to cash in on a variety of fleetingly popular youth culture crazes. The resulting vapid clusterfuck is ethically questionable, especially given that the core audience (pun intended) are the very same teen females being disdained by the figureheads of the campaign. Witness the squealing, self-deprecating minions in any number of their “live” videos on YouTube. And yes, I put “live” in quotation marks because I’m not 100% convinced that the figures on stage are actually alive, that they aren’t the reanimated corpses of failed attempts to clone N*Sync.
27 Aqualec // May 20, 2009 at 11:51 am
Wow my ears and eyes are bleeding from watching that video.
@LaLa seriously girl get a life. This blog site is run by Paul, Luke, and Manchux in which they can write articles about anything that catches their eye (be it bad or good) around the world.
Seriously if you don’t like the blogger’s opinion, why read the blog?
28 Taylor // May 20, 2009 at 12:45 pm
@JoeCitizen Has anyone shown this to Craig Schuftan at Triple J? Maybe he can explain this madness!
29 Joe Citizen // May 20, 2009 at 1:40 pm
@Taylor Wouldn’t know, but it’s worth him trying to explain or at least investigate.
For further evidence implicating the demise of Western culture, see BrokeNCYDE wannabes Blood On The Dancefloor:
http://www.myspace.com/botdfmusic
(via the previous poster LaLa http://www.myspace.com/lala_crash_tragic )
I’m finding it difficult to come to terms with the fact that those guys (and I use the term loosely) are not engaged in some form of self-effacing epic irony.
30 Kia // May 20, 2009 at 3:18 pm
Holy burnt kittens batman, lets just kindly put Chlamydia in their next few flu shots…
Or helicopter them 28 weeks later style…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gcXZSFtWcgo
Or send them into the Triwizard Tournament maze without wands…
Or send them into the Triwizard Tournament lake without Gillyweed…
Or bury them in obscurity…
31 Kia // May 20, 2009 at 3:25 pm
I dedicate this second post to LaLa and I call it “A Parody of Lala”
This is junk whore. Not the “insert shitty made-up spastic name here” (aka lala) you came up with. Their music is not good, and “they sing what they” doesn’t actually make sense. Doesnt any blogger check their gramma these days? Just because you like it, doesnt mean that other people do. Sure the video is really dumb and they make crap music.
Get your facts straight before fumbling around “writing” a blog post like that that makes little or no sense to the actual meaning, the components and style of blog.
doosh!
32 Joe Citizen // May 21, 2009 at 10:57 am
Far be it from me to labour on a point, but that “Blood On The Dancefloor” act have really managed to get under my skin. Initially I was somewhat perturbed by the lyrical content of their songs, which primarily comprise them receiving occasionally violent fellatio (presumably from someone else and not each other). This concern grew a little deeper, however, when I noticed on their MySpace page that the vast majority of their performances are billed as “all age” gigs.
Combine those two revelations for a moment, would you?
So you have a two 20-something year-old guys singing to crowds of under-age girls about sucking dick. How is that even legal?
33 Joe Citizen // May 21, 2009 at 11:00 am
Oh yeah. It’s not legal. It’s called grooming.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Child_grooming
34 Joe Citizen // May 21, 2009 at 3:07 pm
AND THEY ARE NAMED AFTER A MICHAEL JACKSON SONG
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blood_on_the_Dance_Floor_(song)
It is officially a trap.
35 Willian! // May 24, 2009 at 1:23 pm
Possibly the most ridiculous music I have ever heard.
36 Steph // May 25, 2009 at 11:06 pm
Are you fucking kidding!?! Im so glad I listen to Triple J!! I will have to hug my friends a bit more than usual tomorow purely because there not fucking tools!! =D
37 zzzbogan // Jun 12, 2009 at 1:27 am
This is fucken rank. Rot in hell!!!!
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