How often have you heard this:
“Mum! Mum! I want a lolly!”
And thought to youself: “boy, I wish there was a safe, medically tested way I could make that fucking kid shut up. I don’t care that it’s not mine. I want peace and I will get it any cost”. Kinda like the Bush administration. Ooooh, topical. Well now you can make those completely normal and in no way unsettling child-drugging dreams a reality with the PediSedate!
Looking like a halfway point between Aldous Huxley’s Brave New World for the under-10s and stack hats, the PediSedate has been designed to make the anaesthetisation of children painless, fun and easy. Basically you just hook a child up to the helmet/headset, have them start to play videogames and then the PediSedate starts wafting nitrous oxide in their face until they pass out. From the website:
PediSedate is a medical device consisting of a colorful, toy-like headset that connects to a game component such as the Nintendo Game Boy system or a portable CD player. Once the child places it on his or her head and swings the snorkel down from its resting place atop the head, PediSedate transparently monitors respiratory function and distributes nitrous oxide, an anesthetic gas. The child comfortably becomes sedated while playing with a Nintendo Game Boy system or listening to music. This dramatically improves the hospital or dental experience for the child, parents and healthcare providers.
Now I want you to re-read that paragraph but remove the final sentence. Not so innocent and helpful no more, is it? When I was a child the only thing I had to fear from strangers was candy (or so I understood). Now children have to be on the look out for strange men wandering the streets with oversized, purple headphone/video-game/drug delivery systems. Which really doesn’t roll off the tongue quite so easily. Hell, I’m even beginning to look at that doctor in the bottom left photo a little askance. Run kid, run! You think he’s removing your appendix, but he’s really REMOVING YOUR INNOCENCE! RUN!
I think I’m going to be a calm and balanced parent.
/Luke
8 responses so far ↓
1 brodie // May 22, 2009 at 1:56 pm
that’s pretty good…but it’s no rapex
2 felise // May 22, 2009 at 3:58 pm
holy fucksicles. i want one.
3 Xoe // May 22, 2009 at 5:27 pm
uh that dotor has the whole side shuffle laying position thing going on…shuffle shuffle…RAPE!
4 luke // May 22, 2009 at 5:31 pm
@felise: that comment is probably enough to get you arrested in some jurisdictions
5 paul // May 22, 2009 at 6:29 pm
@luke: I’ve heard you say SO much worse. This morning, in fact. An hour ago, in fact.
6 Taylor // May 23, 2009 at 1:13 am
Dang! So very Huxley-an…Huxleyan? Eh, it’s Friday, go fig!
Why not make Soma look like Smarties or something!
I can see it now…Mum! Mum! I want a lolly! …sure, a Soma Lolly!!
7 Willian! // May 24, 2009 at 1:18 pm
Umm, shouldn’t this be illegal? I discussed it with my friend, and she agrees.
8 brendon // May 25, 2009 at 11:02 am
I wonder if it’s also compatible with mustard gas.
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