We here at The Somewhat Ambitious love tradition. We love the way tradition binds people together. Tradition is the backbone of community, and we here at The Somewhat Ambitious care first and foremost about community. Which is why we’re introducing a brand new tradition that we like to call No Fuck Friday.
Here’s how it works. Every Friday, Luke and myself will post a video that nobody in their right mind would want to (or for that matter, be able to) copulate to. Basically the most offbeat, repellant thing we’ve discovered over the previous week. That doesn’t mean it has to obscene, it just has to be… off. Of course, it has crossed our mind that is the brave man/woman who copulates to any of the videos that we post on this website but, you know, we like to think this is some next level shit. You guys can vote for what you think should claim the title, which will probably factor into what we pick for next week. See, it’s all about community. Community and democracy.
Below are our respective entries for No Fuck Friday #1. There’s fairly liberal use of some of the more exotic words in the English language and plenty of leather chaps to be had in this week’s entries (i.e. almost definitely NSFW), so hit the link to see what’s in store.
Just don’t try and have sex with anything.
Luke: This video is called Cunt Smasher. I can’t work out whether this is exactly what I expected when I saw that title, or the complete opposite. Either way there’s a lot of middle-aged ladies in the audience that seem to LOVE IT!… shudder. Yes, that’s right, I said shudder. I didn’t do it, I said it… Cunt Smasher!
Paul: Next up is my entry, called FIESTA HIPPIE. I chose this video not only because the soundtrack spoke to me, but the dude in the middle has an almost swan-like ability to make my eyes bleed with emotion. I think for someone to actually get busy to this would require some PCP and close-harmony singing.
Now you’ve probably already decided on which of the two you found less, or more, repellant, or maybe you’re just angry that you sat through six minutes of what could at best be charitably described as fairly severe hallucinations. Rest assured, however, that things will only get worse for the next edition of No Fuck Friday.
Tradition. And community.
Cast your votes now.
/Paul and Luke
45 responses so far ↓
1 Beautykillz // May 22, 2009 at 4:41 pm
Can I vote for neither?
ugh
2 Aqualec // May 22, 2009 at 4:42 pm
The interpretive dance and music of the second one appeals to my current mind set at the moment for some reason.
Where do you find this stuff guys?
3 Matt Titmanis // May 22, 2009 at 4:46 pm
I’ve been saying shudder a lot since watching Luke’s choice.
That in itself would probably prevent successful copulation (except perhaps with a deaf chick). Thus it gets my vote.
4 alexia // May 22, 2009 at 4:51 pm
I HONESTLY cannot decide which one is worse.
5 The Mighty Ginge // May 22, 2009 at 5:01 pm
Definitely voting Luke’s as the “No Fuck Friday” winner – sure there was leather man-chaps in Paul’s, however it was made up for by some mediocre boobage.
But over 3mins of a guy dressed up like a dancing triceratops at a bondage club, then stripping down to a leather g-string while “CUNT SMASHER” flashes in block red lettering – it was enough to make me punch myself in the balls till I threw up
6 Luke // May 22, 2009 at 5:02 pm
So a spiky male stripper with a bizzare thing for sharp objects vs…..vs…..Man I have NO idea WHAT they’re trying to do in that other movie man….
I vote fiesta hippie. On the sheer scale of the odd.
The scary thing about it is that someone, somehwere, maybe even the performers, took that seriously…and maybe they still do…
7 paul // May 22, 2009 at 5:03 pm
Yeah, I think they both corner different markets. I was going to submit three minutes of Zac Efron in a van (still photo) with coldplay playing over it, but I thought what I went with would do less damage.
8 Rach // May 22, 2009 at 5:15 pm
This is one of those times I’m glad youtube is banned at work.
9 luke // May 22, 2009 at 5:22 pm
ok, so far we have two for me, two for paul, and two abstentions. i can’t help but feel that if the abstentions win, then ‘no fuck friday’ will have been a raging success.
10 paul // May 22, 2009 at 5:57 pm
I’m already lining up next weeks No Fuck Friday choice. And it is AWFUL.
11 Alex // May 22, 2009 at 7:00 pm
The second one. If only because it reminds me of an of Montreal show for some strange reason. The lack of CUNT SMASHER in big red writing also helps.
12 celina // May 22, 2009 at 7:33 pm
The second video was like trying to explain how to fix a dishwasher through interpretive dance. The first was just really, really disturbing. I guess Luke has my vote.
13 paul // May 22, 2009 at 7:37 pm
I think my entry really works towards the end. Induces instant pupil dilation. Lukes entry had me crying, though; I can’t believe I watched the entire fucking thing.
14 felise // May 22, 2009 at 8:44 pm
i vote the second one because i cannot think of any possible context where that would be.. i don’t know.
after watching both of those, i am utterly terrified
15 Leelee // May 22, 2009 at 9:15 pm
I’m pretty sure the only person in the world who gets off to the first video is the supposed “cunt smasher” himself. Being the owner of a “cunt” myself I’m basically scared at the thought of him going anywhere near any “cunt”. Not to mention the word “cunt” is such a turn off. There are so so so so many nicer words than “cunt” the very fact that I’ve now said “cunt” six times is probably a good indication as to why it’s a no fuck friday for me!
16 Ms Constantine // May 22, 2009 at 9:58 pm
omgwtfbbbq!
Cunt Smasher made me laugh, but Fiesta Hippie was one of the weirdest creepiest things I have seen in my life. WTF were they doing?! Were they having sex via interpretive dance?
Fiesta Hippie gets my vote.
17 Lady P // May 22, 2009 at 10:24 pm
My vote goes to Paul… The shots of that g-stringed mans arse completely ruined every sexual thought I had..
If your aim was to ruin start-of-the-weekend sex for everyone I think you have succeeded.
I want that 7 minutes of my life back
18 paul // May 22, 2009 at 10:34 pm
@Leelee: Mission accomplished. Thankyou for validating our bizarre turgid lives. Also, very well said.
@Ms Constantine: Ever seen Barbarella, where David Hemmings and Jane Fonda take those pills to have sex without having sex? If that were a real means of intercourse (and thank fuck it isn’t), then Fiesta Hippie would be an orgy.
@Lady P: I do hope we haven’t ruined your weekend of Caligula-esque debauchery. And no, you may not have those seven minutes back. And yes, next week shall be just as bad, if not more so.
19 Elyce // May 22, 2009 at 10:59 pm
As creepy as Paul’s entry is, it automatically gets sexy points because it has a red feather boa – and if hen’s nights have taught us anything, it is that feather boas are sexy as, man. So, Cunt Smasher gets my vote by default.
20 Lady P // May 22, 2009 at 11:08 pm
What frightens me most is that I know I’m going to watch No Fuck Friday next week…
It’s just one of those things.. you can’t look but you can’t turn away
21 Alicia // May 23, 2009 at 12:23 am
What the fuck was Warrick Capper doing in the first one?
The fact that CUNT SMASHER reminded me so much of Mr Capper (therefore rendering me unable to watch the whole thing), it gets my vote.
However, the second one gets points, if only for the soreness my face is feeling after the many ways I had it contorted whilst watching.
22 Josh // May 23, 2009 at 2:32 am
Luke’s is bizarrely great. Paul, yours loses points because it has boobs in it and they are hot.
But, Paul yours has the bell sound from Futurama – If I could remember from commentary of season 4 I think DVD, it says what type of bells.
Anyway, that’s them.
Also, vagina,
23 Willian! // May 23, 2009 at 12:53 pm
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
I was so psychologically scarred after watching the first one, that I could not bring myself to press ‘play’ on the second one.
No, no, no, no, no!
24 Metrac // May 23, 2009 at 1:11 pm
Fiesta Hippie… wow, I hope I never sleep again.
25 paul // May 23, 2009 at 1:22 pm
I hope you do. Because then the creepy dudes in g-strings can converge upon you.
26 wayne // May 23, 2009 at 3:18 pm
luke wins!
fatality!
27 ADDZ // May 23, 2009 at 4:30 pm
yeah “cunt smasher” gets my vote. I hate it hate it hate it!
you guys should check out my mate’s you tube channel: http://www.youtube.com/user/TheThrushBrothers
28 Anthony // May 23, 2009 at 5:53 pm
I vote Cunt Smasher as more disturbing… if only because you can pretty well understand what is happening and recognise that everything in it is BAD… Sais? I mean seriously? and the spikey costume? ewww…
The Fiesta Hippies were disturbing… but I had no idea what was going on, so the disturbingness wasn’t quite as bad… It took a while to work out that the women kept changing costumes, and the guys kept losing costume… I think the hippies might haunt me in nightmares longer though…
I think the most disturbing thing is both probably took themselves seriously… But the fact Cunt Smasher not only takes himself seriously but thinks he’s sexy makes it a bit scarier…
Of course that’s entirely academic and I couldn’t get a date if I paid for it anyway
29 soph // May 23, 2009 at 8:26 pm
i was slightly turned on by both.
better luck next week.
30 Willian! // May 24, 2009 at 10:49 am
I had nightmares about Cunt Smasher last night, and am now afraid of sleeping.
31 Luke // May 24, 2009 at 12:34 pm
@soph: marry me?
32 Blotto // May 24, 2009 at 4:56 pm
Its gotta be cuntsmasher simply cause the guy seems to think what ever he is doing is great and the idiotic ladies in the audience are gagging for it. Oh and did i see a geraldo sign in the back ground???
the people on the second one are clearly on some illegal substance that would make anything seem like a good idea plus they get extra points for having some boob action.
33 soph // May 24, 2009 at 7:22 pm
@luke: only if you’re holding a lightsaber.
34 paul // May 24, 2009 at 9:41 pm
I haven’t told Luke yet, but once we tally the winners, the loser is going to get spanked very hard by the winner with a thong. On camera. With mariachi music playing.
35 Rich // May 24, 2009 at 9:56 pm
Is it me or does the soundtrack in Fiesta Hippie hint of Futurama? Either way it has my vote purely because I’m already dreading the horrific nightmares I’ll be enduring for the next few weeks/years from the 2 dudes in the middle.
36 Willian! // May 25, 2009 at 5:52 pm
The soundtrack in the hippie one is rather like a cross between ‘Wild Thing’ and the Futurama theme song.
37 Cassie // May 26, 2009 at 12:35 am
I would have to say a close win to CUNT SMASHER, mostly due to the that horrifying hair and glowing leathery tan.
Not to disregard Fiesta Hippie…I fear the content of my dreams tonight…
38 paul // May 26, 2009 at 10:14 am
@cassie: Fear? Or EAGERLY AWAIT THE SWEET BOOB TERROR?
39 phil // May 26, 2009 at 10:31 am
fiesta hippie… futurama theme song?!
40 luke // May 26, 2009 at 5:15 pm
hmmm. while some people seem to have struggled a little with the concept of voting, by my count CUNT SMASHER is a clear winner so far, 13 votes to 10.
so, paul, we gonna drag this thing out a few more days, or do i get to start spanking you with a thong to mariachi music?
41 Paul // May 27, 2009 at 4:56 am
Hey, I’m going to concede. because technically, my entry was better. But it needed to be worse. That’s worth a spanking. Also, you’ll be filming it and posting it. Tonight, unless I’m mistaken.
42 Willian! // May 27, 2009 at 8:36 pm
Dare I ask where you found these horrifying videos?
43 No Fuck Friday 2: The Fuckening // May 29, 2009 at 2:18 pm
[...] odd choice of phrase…). And this week’s No Fuck Friday is almost definitely better than the original. Because No Fuck Friday is all about abysmal [...]
44 MizBex // May 30, 2009 at 5:30 pm
they both make me sad in my pants
45 TRAMDALF! // Jul 3, 2009 at 11:33 am
[...] our eyes back on the four weeks of fun, frivolity and unfuckability we’ve witnessed to date. Week one taught us that an erotically dancing Teuton named ‘C**t Smasher’ was marginally less [...]
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