The Somewhat Ambitious

For some reason or another the things that have attracted my attention over the past few days have all been zoological in nature. So I thought I’d compile them for you briefly into a sort of ‘What Nature’s Up To’ newsletter. The answer, in short, is ‘being fucking terrifying’.

1. Snakes. Everyone loves snakes. Except, that is, for Ben Nyaumbe, a Kenyan farm manager who found himself set upon by a giant python and dragged up a tree. Not sure why. Perhaps for tea and biscuits, perhaps for DEATH. But not being one to let a huge python get in the way of a good days work, Ben did what any self-respecting man would do and bit his way out. Yes, that’s right. With his arms and legs pinioned to his sides in presumably comical fashion, Ben bit the snake. From The Age:

When the snake coiled itself round his upper body, Nyaumbe resorted to desperate measures: “I had to bite it.”

Definitely one of the better soundbites (ha!) I’ve heard in recent times. Ben escaped with minimal injuries. The snake also escaped, presumably to nurse its bruised dignity over some tea and biscuits. Why do I seem to think snakes enjoy tea and biscuits? They don’t even have arms…

2. While we’re on the topic of snakes, I couldn’t help but notice that last week a Qantas plane was grounded after four pythons escaped en route from Alice Springs to Melbourne. Just in case you need that spelled out, there were, in fact, ‘mother fucking snakes on a plane’. Sadly there were only 4 of the snakes, and they were only 15 cm apiece and non-venomous. Also, noone died, the plane was landed in an orderly fashion, the passengers calmly disembarked and the plane was fumigated to kill the snakes. But, still… Sigh.

Reality sucks.

3. I bet you were wondering when I’d address the horror beast up top, weren’t you? Apparently an aquarium in Newquay has been terrorised for months by some mystery creature that appeared to be capable of biting coral in half and eating fish hooks whole. After finally deciding to dismantle the display they discovered the friendly looking fellow, just chilling out and looking suspiciously like something out of a H.R. Giger film. The staff have called it ‘Barry’. Makes sense. Seems it’s a Giant Reef Bristle Worm, a hatchling of which may have been accidentally imported along with some tropical fish. Here’s the kicker though: the GRBW is also known as the ‘Bobbit Worm’, because after mating the female hacks off the male’s penis and feeds it to her young… a turn of events which certainly would have ensured Lorena Bobbit’s continuing infamy.

[via @Destructor]

4. Turtle eats pigeon. I don’t think there’s anything I can say which can possibly add to this video.

/Luke