Anthony Lane of The New Yorker has recently reviewed The Watchmen. Given his signature tact and finesse, I thought it only fair that I review his review in the manner he so reveres.
Not only does Lane blow every major plot point (including the ending), he displays a total lack of literary prowess, and proves once and for all how abundantly joyless he has become. He enjoys tearing films apart with panache and arrogant verbosity typically reserved for Rush Limbaugh, were Limbaugh in possession of a working brain. Which makes him brilliant to read, but a profoundly myopic person in many ways. And this, I should point out, is coming from someone who ADORES puncturing the fleshy sheen of cinema with words on a regular basis.
In the case of Lane’s dissection of The Watchmen, his standards are so exacting, so unforgiving, and so terrifyingly bound by that breed of American critics (Ebert, Roeper, Maltin, etc.) and their canon of untouchable films that the guy has dissapeared up his own ass. It isn’t a review so much as it is an obituary written by the man that killed it. Lane’s reviews are hugely enjoyable to read, but they’re also indicative of an enormous asshole. As Luke has pointed out, he does present very valid points, and he writes extremely well, but so did Hitler.
Ergo: Anthony Lane is Hitler. Viva Las Vegas!
Anthony Lane’s review of The Watchmen: 1/5
/Paul
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