Apparently Keanu Reeves is starring as Spike in a live action Cowboy Bebop film. I say “apparently” because a) it was mentioned on MTV, and b) it was mentioned on MTV by Keanu. His producer Erwin Stoff (the guy who produced The Day The Earth Stood Still… oh God. I just just threw up in my mouth) will be the douchebag in charge.
Why am I irritable? Could be the fact that some shitnuts sold me curdled strawberry milk, and I really wanted strawberry milk PROVIDED it didn’t taste like wet dick. But mostly, it’s because live action anime doesn’t, can’t, won’t work, even when (in this case) Reeves gave a perfectly reasonable summation of the potential narrative:
According to Reeves the live action film will focus on the origins of the Bebop team of bounty hunters and will incorporate the conclusion to the 26-episode anime and at least some of the episodic adventures explored in the series.
The only glimmer of hope still nesting in my subconscious is… still alive. Huh. Why? Because the comic book genre was regarded as a joke until a few years ago, and now has produced some genuinely brilliant films (Spiderman 2, Batman Begins, and, yes, The Incredibles. It’s like Calvin and Hobbes meets Watchmen). So maybe, if this actually happens, it won’t entirely suck. But it probably will.
On a side note, I strongly suspect Keanu was carved from a magic tree.
/Paul
(Link)
13 responses so far ↓
1 obsidiantears83 // Feb 19, 2009 at 10:12 am
I was reading this in the madman newsletter this morning. its fucking ridiculous. Bebop is terrific, and while there have been some great anime and graphic novel adaptations to film, there are also some really really scary ones.. Keanu can make some good films, but he reminds me of an android.. I am quite dubious about this if it goes ahead.. I think it is going to be one of the scary ones..
2 Lance // Feb 19, 2009 at 1:27 pm
Please don’t fuck it up, please don’t fuck it up, please don’t fuck it up, please don’t fuck it up, please don’t fuck it up, please don’t fuck it up, please don’t fuck it up, please don’t fuck it up.
3 Sarah // Feb 19, 2009 at 2:07 pm
No Keanu, nooooooo!
Please Paul, make him stop.
It wouldn’t be so bad if he could play anyone but Keanu Reeves, but he can’t.
Could we potentially get someone good to do it?
4 Taylor // Feb 19, 2009 at 2:14 pm
All this Keanu crap aside, why and how do you know what wet dick tastes like?!
5 paul // Feb 19, 2009 at 2:20 pm
I refuse to comment on the grounds that I may incriminate myself
6 NotHisRealName // Feb 19, 2009 at 4:34 pm
…and does it taste any different to dry dick?
I have some morbid fascination to know – in case I ever have to choose.
7 Taylor // Feb 21, 2009 at 3:03 pm
Don’t worry, Paul…I am still terminally jealous that you get to pal around weekly with Marieke Hardy.
Yes, complete shameless crush-age here!
8 Luke // Feb 22, 2009 at 2:42 pm
i’m reasonably skeptical considering that even the animated bebop film left something to be desired. and while there may be some superficial physical resemblance between the two there’s definitely a charisma gulf that borders on the canyon-esque
9 Aegis // Feb 23, 2009 at 9:30 am
Live action anime DOES work Paul! checkout the Live action Death Note movies. They’re exceptional. Especially L: Change the World
mind you i’m not real sure about this new Blood live action coming out.
10 Adam // Feb 23, 2009 at 3:00 pm
Well, it’s my opinion that anime should stay anime. Without the cartoons, it will more or less turn into “Passions” with violence.
11 Erinys // Mar 11, 2009 at 11:30 am
To Aegis.
Your an idiot.
The live action Death Note movies are the most brain numbing boring piece of shit I have ever had the displeasure of witnessing.
12 dolores // Apr 13, 2009 at 11:49 pm
i think we should just shit in keanu reeves letterbox. it would be much better than the shit they are going to dish up for us with this live action blasphemy.
cowboy bebop is like the beatles of anime. and u dont molest the beatles!!!!!
13 Fignuts // May 27, 2009 at 10:57 am
** gushing bebop fan rant omitted **
The main problem i see with this movie is that Keaneu has not talent. What so ever, maybe they can modify the plot so he is in a coma the whole time…
The upshot is we get to see him die!
Oh yeah, spoiler alert.
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