The Somewhat Ambitious

Don’t you hate it when you’re watching the latest blockbuster film and you realise that you just can’t work out what’s going on? That despite the simple racial and sexual stereotypes, bland dialogue and minimal characters you just can’t make head nor tail of this disarmingly linear story? Why is the father trying to save the son? Why is that newlywed couple kissing? Why is Will Smith putting his own child in a film that essentially serves as a shameless two-hour advertisement for his own potential claim to ‘Father of the Year’ award (yes, fuck you ‘Pursuit of Happyness’, fuck you. You made me so incandescently angry, with your empty characters, shit dialogue and blatant pro-US propaganda. And you know what, your name makes fun of Chinese immigrants. What, are they the new black Will, are they? Yes, fuck you… Boy, didn’t realise that candle still burnt so strong…)?

But doesn’t it make you wish that you had your own personal DJ and MC set-up sitting alongside you, ready to elucidate every plot point via some dope beats and sick rhymez? Well fret no longer, you narratively challenged imbecile, because Mouthmaster Murf and DJ Mayhem (a.k.a. The Anomalies) are here as your very own gangsta Cliffs Notes. Their Predator Rap has been doing the rounds for close to a year now, but just last month they put out the second episode in the series, a 10-minute summary of the immensely complex Paul Verhoeven opus (the other Paul Verhoeven. You know, the film director) Robocop. So, you know, settle in. Grab a small packet of popcorn (there’s not much time) and watch these masterpieces in language that even Young Jeezy could understand. Respec’!

Although, truth be told, none of these comes anywhere near to supplanting the high-point of hip-hop’s summarisation of cinema, The Chuds’ ‘Weng Weng’ compilation track. Weng Weng of course being the late 2′9″ Filipino martial arts star. This is, quite seriously, one of the best things I have ever seen on the internet. He punches SO many balls.

/Luke