The Somewhat Ambitious

My Name is Prince by Prince (a.k.a. Prince Rogers Nelson (which sounds like a porn film), a.k.a. The Artist Formerly Known As Prince, a.k.a. The Artist Formerly Known As The Artist Formerly Known As Prince, a.k.a. The Guy Who Got A Rib Removed So He Could Suck His Own Penis (boy was THAT rumour persistent in early high school))

My name is Prince and I am funky
(His name is Prince. He is funky)
My name is Prince the one and only
(His name is Prince. Anybody else who says their name is Prince is lying.)
I did not come to funk around
(Notwithstanding the rest of his musical output, Prince has no real interest in funk, funkiness, or funking)
‘Til I get your daughter I won’t leave this town
(He does, however, have a real interest in being a social nuisance and blackmailing a country town into giving him their daughter to do with as he will. Now, it might just be me, but that does sound an awful lot like rape.)

In the beginning God made the sea
(No, in the beginning there was light. The sea arrived on the third day. Prince is unfamiliar with biblical chronology.)
But on the 7th day he made me
(By most biblical estimates, Prince is well over 6000 years old)
He was tryin’ to rest y’all when He heard the sound
(Prince delighted in distrubing God’s peaceful slumber)
Sound like a guitar cold gettin’ down
(In a bold claim, Prince asserts that the guitar predated agriculture)
I tried to bust a high note, but I bust a string
(Prince uses sub-par guitar products)
My God was worried ’til he heard me sing
(God shall have no rest while Prince is about)

My name is Prince and I am funky
(I’m beginning to notice a theme here…)
My name is Prince the one and only – hurt me
(You will be able to tell he is the real Prince because of his proclivity for sadomasochism)

My name is Prince and I am funky
(Yes he is)
When it come to funk I am a junky
(Without a daily dose of funk, Prince begins to shiver and imagine there are bugs under his skin. Once, he dove into a shit-filled toilet after dropping a bag of funk in there. He later described it as ‘choosing life’.)
I know from righteous I know from sin
(Prince’s grasp of the difference between adjectives and nouns leaves much to be desired)
I got 2 sides and they both friends
(Prince is a self-proclaimed schizophrenic. But a friendly one.)
Don’t try to clock ‘em, they’re much too fast
(He may also suffer from manic-depression)
If u try to stop ‘em they kick that ass
(And have anger management issues)
Without a pistol, without a gun
When you hear my music you’ll be havin’ fun
(Prince does not believe one needs to be ‘packing heat’ in order to enjoy oneself. Given his mental state, this is probably for the best)
That’s when I gotcha that’s when you mine
(Prince has a regressive tendency towards monomaniacal, child-like possessiveness)
To tell the truth, tell me what’s my line?
(And may also suffer from Alzheimer’s. Poor Prince.)

My name is Prince and I am funky (You can’t stop Prince)
(Prince has long struggled with his body odour.)
My name is Prince the one and only – hurt me (You can’t stop Prince)
(You will not be able to stop Prince from raping your daughter. However, because he is the only Prince, any criminal investigation should proceed rapidly)

My name is Prince, I don’t wanna be king
(Jesus, this just goes on. For another four verses. You know what, his name is Prince. Do you know how I know? Because he says it 25 times over the space of 6 minutes. Cool, good for you buddy. My name is Luke, but I tend to try and keep that down to one statement per conversation. You know, so I don’t sound like I have autism. Although, that may also explain why I’m yet to have a number one hit… My first attempt at funk, ‘Luke’s Digression on the Political Implications of a De-radicalised Union Movement’ never really played well on the radio)

/My name is Luke